Living as a Korean 1st gen Immigrant Mom
Jung Hwa Choi | Ph.D. Candidate at University of Pennsylvania
I wanted to reassure you that you are not alone
Reflecting on the counselor’s guidance, I hope that each day, we may not discover a definitive approach to immigrant motherhood, but rather, gradually uncover the answers little by little
I was born and raised in Korea and immigrated to the United States as an adult. Now, as a mother of a two-year-old, I find myself grappling with many concerns each day. Today, I want to share my struggles as a first-generation immigrant mother.
My child currently attends a kindergarten run by a Korean church. Both my husband and I, along with our extended family, speak only Korean, attend a Korean church, and mostly interact with other Koreans. Consequently, my child has had limited exposure to English and American society. One day, I took my child to a local kids' cafe, and they clung to me, unwilling to leave my side. This was a stark contrast to their behavior at the Korean-centric kids' cafe, where they happily played with other children for hours without looking for me. It seemed unfamiliar for them to be in an environment where people of various races conversed in a language they couldn't understand. Seeing my child shrink in this unfamiliar environment filled me with regret.
I'm not just worried about how my child would adapt; I'm also anxious about adapting to being an American parent myself. Before my child was born, terms like Pre-K and the starting age for Kindergarten were completely foreign to me. It dawned on me that despite being born in the U.S., my child, as an American, felt out of place precisely because I felt more rooted in Korean culture. The realization of the potential challenges my child might encounter upon entering a U.S. school in this state troubled me deeply.
One day, I shared these concerns with a counselor. The advice they gave me was immensely helpful, so I'm summarizing their advice here in hopes it might help you too:
Children are much stronger and more resilient than we think. As parents, we often have more burdens or worries than necessary, which helps neither the child nor ourselves
It's natural for me as an immigrant mother to be more comfortable with Korean culture. We cannot judge whether being more comfortable with Korean culture is right or wrong, or good or bad. Let go of the thought that you're doing something wrong as a mother, or that you're being selfish, and be more forgiving to yourself.
Being able to learn Korean culture in American society can be a great asset for the child. Experiencing two cultures together could foster a broader perspective for the child. The child may have a hard time in that process, but that too will be nourishment for growth.
No one, whether an immigrant or not, can be a perfect parent. Everyone is bound to have moments of mistakes and regrets. Accepting this fact can bring some comfort.
Reflecting on the counselor’s guidance, I hope that each day, we may not discover a definitive approach to immigrant motherhood, but rather, gradually uncover the answers little by little. If anyone out there resonates with these shared concerns, I wanted to reassure you that you are not alone. I end this piece hoping that there will be more spaces where we can freely share stories like this.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jung Hwa was born and raised in Seoul, South Korea. She received her B.A. in Education from Yonsei University, and she is currently a doctoral candidate in Human Development and Quantitative Methods at the University of Pennsylvania. Her primary research interests center on the socioemotional development of Asian/Asian American children, investigating how individual factors and contextual factors, both independently and conjointly, influence developmental outcomes. In her free time, she loves to travel and take a walk with her husband and son.
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