Finding a good fit
Shin Ock, Ph.D
When I meet patients for the first time, one of the questions I ask is whether they have ever met with a therapist before. Some people who have had previous experiences with therapy share that they had attempted therapy in the distant past, but that they stopped after just one or two sessions because they did not like the therapist. Deciding to start therapy is a big decision, and it can feel disappointing, frustrating, and disillusioning if your early therapy experiences dissuade you from continuing. This article is here to help you think about some important considerations when looking for a therapist that you can work with.
Many factors can influence how you come to work with your therapist. For example, you may look for a therapist who has more general experiences or for someone who specializes in a specific area such as couples therapy, eating disorders, or addiction. There may be some limits to the therapists you can access. If you look for a therapist covered by your insurance, the list of potential providers may be limited to those that are “in network.” If you try to find a therapist through a specific clinic or hospital, you will likely be assigned to the next available therapist on staff. If you try to find an independent therapist, the sheer number of options may be overwhelming, and there are few centralized ways to find them. [Side note: A great resource if you are looking for Korean or Korean American therapists is our MSG directory!] While these may be challenges in your search for a therapist, there are some practical things outlined below that may be helpful.
Do not worry about finding the objectively “best” therapist. There is no such thing. As discussed in our previous post, therapists come with a variety of degrees, titles, and specialties. If they are trained from an accredited program and licensed to practice (or practicing under the supervision of a licensed therapist), all therapists have qualifications and experiences to provide help. There are likely many therapists who will do a good job helping you with your goals. It is better to choose one and get started instead of getting caught up trying to find one that is “best.”
“It is better to choose one and get started instead of getting caught up trying to find one that is ‘best.’”
A helpful place to start is to consider whether you have preferences regarding your therapist’s gender, ethnicity, religion, or other identities. If you are a person of faith, as many Korean and Korean Americans are, you may want to find a therapist who also shares your faith. There are also some important cultural experiences, such as family structures, assimilation experiences, and cultural values that a therapist who comes from a similar cultural background may be able to connect with more readily. If you are more comfortable expressing yourself in Korean, you may want to find a therapist who can communicate with you in your heart language. While you may not be able to find someone who fits every preference, there are many therapists out there who may be able to help you feel more connected and comfortable.
During your first contact with any potential therapist [blog entry on what to expect when you start therapy coming soon], it is helpful to try to notice how you feel during the interaction. Like any first encounter, you might feel a little awkward and nervous. Beyond that, pay attention to how the therapist makes you feel. Do you feel more and more at ease as you spent more time with them? Do you feel that the therapist is listening to you? Do they seem like someone you can trust to explore the issues you want to discuss in therapy? Do you feel their personality is one that helps you feel comfortable? Do you agree on the goals of therapy and the plan to achieve these goals? These personal assessments will help you decide whether you would like to continue working with them.
“Do you feel more and more at ease as you spent more time with them?
Do you feel that the therapist is listening to you? Do they seem like someone you can trust to explore the issues you want to discuss in therapy?
Do you feel their personality is one that helps you feel comfortable?
Do you agree on the goals of therapy and the plan to achieve these goals? ”
The therapist-client relationship, like all relationships, is one between human beings. If you feel that a therapist is ultimately not a good fit for you, it can feel awkward to let them know. But if you do take the step to discuss your discomfort, the therapist may be able to help you address the reason for your concerns. If not, they may be able to refer you to someone who fits more closely with what you are looking for. If you are nervous about something else, such as being in therapy in general, it can be helpful to discuss this with the therapist to see if they can help address these concerns.
Though there is no such thing as the “best” therapist, there are therapists who may be better suited to working with you. It is important to assess whether you and the therapist feel that you are a “good fit” and can work well together. In therapy, you will be talking about things that you might not feel comfortable discussing with other people in your life. It is important for you to feel that you can build a relationship with your therapist in which you can be open and honest.
About the Author
Shin Ock, PhD is a clinical psychologist and expert in resilience, culturally-conscious psychology, and physician wellness. She is a child of immigrants, pastor's kid, DMV native, mother, and a recovering anxious over-achiever. Dr. Ock is also the founder of Ezar Psychology, LLC, a practice specialized in values-guided therapy for physicians, achievers, and leaders, serving Massachusetts, Maryland, Washington DC, Virginia, and all PSYPACT-authorized states.
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